I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
peterisagirl: 6, 10, 36 and 40. I love when you're in a writing mood.
6. Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.
I’ve always had pretty decent birthdays. As a kid, Mum always used to go full out and be up till late baking, then up early to continue baking. She was pretty good like that. I never had a birthday as a teenager, so from the age of about 11/12 to 20, I never had a birthday. Part of that is that fact my parents were semi constantly fighting and having them around my friends was the last thing I wanted. There’s not real birthday that stands out as the worst. I did have a kind of shitty 20th, as my grandmother started going on about my dad and stuff and she kind of ended up just venting and telling me off for stuff that had nothing to do with me.
If there is one thing I hate about birthdays, it’s the fact that although it is “your day”, it never feels like it. It kind of feels like other peoples day, and I have to keep doing all this shit because “birthday” right? If you don’t want a cake, or want to see people, you should be allowed to do that if you like.
10. Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.
Last year my aunt and uncle in Queensland told me off because I hadn’t managed to get in contact with my grandfather before he passed away. My relationship with them is non-existant, just because they are blood doesn’t mean I like them. I barely know them at all and they are quite cold and uncaring. There’s a lot of details that make this a large fight but this fight basically ends with my decision to walk away from my dad’s side of the family permanently and although I’ll keep my last name the same as them, I gave serious thought to taking another name. Someday if I get married, I might take my wife’s name or see if she’d like to pick new last names together.
36. Talk about your guilty pleasures.
At my grandmothers house, there’s an old wall mounted 1970’s gas heater. It lets out warm air through the vents at the front and it makes a sort of low drone of metal creaking and lukewam to hot air comes through it. I like to lie in front of it like a cat sometimes, and if you do it just right, the hot air runs along your back and you get goosebumps all over. It’s really nice when it’s all quiet and cold and dark.
In the days following the new year, my grandmother was down at the seaside so I took care of her house. I was eating two minute noodles (another guilty pleasure) and sitting in front of the heater. And talking to myself. I love talking to myself but I always feel self conscious about doing it, so maybe that’s a guilty pleasure.
Another guilty pleasure is probably anime, I always feel bad for how completely I’ve been sucked in but it is really really good.
40. Talk about the end of something in your life.
When my parents separated, I had to really man up and come to terms with reality. Sometimes, relationships don’t fix themselves or are healthy at all, and you need to address things before the get out of hand. Sometimes people are not compatible at all and just miss each others connections by THAT much. I used that time to wise the fuck up about the way world works. I characterise my life as finally waking up at age 17 to the world before properly waking up at age 19. Everything before 17 I can’t remember. I seriously can’t properly remember, I know I did thing and I sometimes get tiny snippets of moments but for the most part, when I turned 17 and my parents divorced, it was the end of walking through a dream and the start of a harsh reality.